Warning: this post has yet another Top Ten List. Only readers over a certain height will be allowed on.
So now I have a second friend in China. How many do you have?
I joined Facebook about an eon ago. (To be precise, an eon in Charlie years = somewhere between nine and ten years.) I have collected oodles and oodles of friends over that time period. (To be precise, oodles and oodles in Charlie’s numbering system = bunches of bunches.) My FB friends list contains people from every nook and cranny of my life. Friends from grade school and high school, current and past work associates,”old” family who I haven’t seen since I was in junior high and new relatives from my wife’s family who I see a couple times a year, people I’ve done theatre with, girls I have dated (I am nothing if not brave), people whose house I can walk into without ringing the doorbell and, other people who I have known very well for decades even though I’ve never met them in person. Despite the widespread collection of people who could be called Members of YIATBORAOKCDTROPR ( aka Yes I Am Willing To Be On Record As Officially Knowing Charlie Despite The Risk Of Public Ridicule), there was one time in my life that was totally blank, online-wise: college. Maybe it was because of my lack of Google-Fu, maybe it was because I killed tons and tons of brain cells back then. (To be precise, this joke is getting old and predictable.) No matter what the reason the results were the same: College Friends on my Facebook list = zero.
Well it was zero, until I brought in an expert. For online searches, I know only one person who does online searches like Rain Man juggles numbers. The lucky thing for me is that I am married to her. The short version of this story is that, after I grumbled one final time about not being to find any of my college friends, she said to me “Just give me one name.”
After a few hours of extensive research on her computer,…
Well, maybe after about an hour on a tablet,…
Okay, after less than five minutes on her smartphone, she found who I told her to look for. (At least she didn’t whistle into a payphone while wiggling her Etch-A-Sketch’s knobs really quickly. That would have been showing off.) I checked his friend’s list and found two more friends. And luckily enough, all three are really good people who I have incredibly found memories of. Once again, it is proven that I am a lucky and blessed man.
And now, after just a couple weeks of catching up, one of them just flew out to China today to live for somewhere from six months to two years. I hope I can keep in touch with him even though he will be behind the Great Firewall of China. I know I will still do my best to keep contact with the other two. Billy, Maria, Don, thank you all for being my “friend” again.
Top 10 Uses for My New Spaceship
10. Freak out the stoner who works late night at the local Taco Bell drive-thru window (“Dude, Han Solo ordered a Chalupa!”)
9. Tricking it out with chrome rims to impress my bros as I cruise down Main Street
8. Making extra money flying banners over stadiums (Note to self: buy friction-proof banners due to potential issues with warp drive)
7. Buy red suit and grow white beard. Mission: freak out Santa doubters.
6. Hang out in the parking lot of Science Fiction conventions and brag about how “shiny” my ship is.
5. Put ship on blocks and roast weenies in exhaust blast.
4. Revolutionize pizza delivery (“When it absolutely, positively has to be in Australia in 30 minutes or less…”)
3. Stadium is sold out? Who cares? Hovering over the 50 yard line is a Much better view anyway!
2. Travel to the planet Logicum where common sense and rational thought is plentiful. See if they are willing to help with our current shortages.
and the number 1 thing I will use my new spaceship for
1.Two words: Super Uber
Coming Soon: An expose – The Snuggles Fabric Softener Bear: Cute and Giggly Commercial Icon, or Demon Spawn?